


silly little things

by carpexdiem (starrytobios)



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Family Issues, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society) Lives, Neil is prepared to do so, Todd Anderson-centric, Todd Needs A Hug, very minor implication of neil’s attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29444631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrytobios/pseuds/carpexdiem
Summary: Todd spends the night in Neil’s arms, bundled up in blankets as they watch the snow fall outside, content with their silly little home, and their silly little passions, and their silly little life.Or, Neil comforts Todd after a bad family dinner.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 2
Kudos: 77





	silly little things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oleffx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oleffx/gifts).



> for dps twt’s valentine’s day fic exchange!

Todd would rather be anywhere than here.

Really. Anywhere. And he means it. He would even prefer to be standing at the front of Keating’s classroom, reciting original poems in his underwear. Even something as mortifying as that would be far preferable to dinner with his parents and Jeffrey.

The worst part is perhaps that there are no positives to a situation like this, with his mother and father doting on Jeff and all his accomplishments over their three-course meal. Jeffery’s pseudo-bragging doesn’t help; the way his ruffles Todd’s hair like he is a child makes it all even shittier, and Todd can’t tell if his dessert really tastes this atrocious, or if that horrible aftertaste in the back of his throat is a result of all the ways he has been belittled tonight.

The final blow comes in the form of his first ever book being swept under the carpet like it is meaningless. His father’s words curl around his lungs like demonic hands, sharp-nailed edges, digging into the soft flesh with preciseness that seeps the ache into his bloodstream.

A silly little hobby—that’s what he calls it.

A silly little hobby and a waste of Todd’s time.

Wine has loosened his lips to the point that the misshapen slur of passive-aggressiveness, metamorphoses into ugly words filled with acrimony, disappointment dripping like burgundy from his mouth. Todd knows he means it; he has always known it. Nobody bothers to disagree, even as a mere courtesy, and that breaks Todd’s soul like it was something worthless all along. Like it were a piece of cheap jewellery his mother would have tossed out as soon as she laid eyes on it.

A wet, bitter laugh blunders from his mouth; it makes his shoulders shake with underlying heartbreak. Maybe he doesn’t even want love; maybe he wants a morsel of the attention they shower his older brother with. Maybe he is being a petulant child that never gets his way, maybe his requests are juvenile, but it is a badly-kept family secret that Jeffery Anderson is the success, and Todd Anderson is the fuck-up.

“What’s so funny Todd?” His mother’s voice is a subdued shrill, and perhaps its cliché to liken it to nails on a chalkboard so Todd won’t do that, but christ, it isn’t far off.

“N-nothing...its…” His voice fizzles out and the weight of the stares fixated on him begins to make his insides tremble with anxiousness he thought he had unlearned.

“Still got that stutter, eh Toddy?” Jeff chuckles. It feels mean.

Todd’s lips twitch in an attempt to respond but he can only croak out a congealed noise of sorts and it is met with an unimpressed ‘tch’ from his father. He can’t take it anymore, the walls are closing in and every little criticism is prickling his skin like needles and his breathing has gone all funny—he needs to get the fuck out of here.

  
He fumbles with his phone, ignoring the nervousness thrumming through his fingers, “I’ve got to go.” His parents look at him for an explanation, but there doesn’t seem to be anything in their eyes that wants him to stay, “Neil’s outside. Can’t keep him waiting.”

Neil’s contact shines back at him, the text that Todd had just typed out begging for him to pick Todd up, casting light onto his face.

Apparently, Neil is not what Todd should have brought up, because if the dinner was tense before, now it is straight up uncomfortable. They hated him, even if they would never say it. His parents have always been the types to build up a facade of the perfect American family, and they aren’t afraid to try to bend and shape all the pieces to fit. Jeff is their perfect little puzzle piece, but Todd—there’s disappointment in his father’s eyes, and a look of doused hope in his mother’s—Todd is far from perfect. He is the misshapen piece that throws off their dynamic and creates cracks in their utopia. Cracks they fill with fake smiles and curt conversation whenever Neil is brought up.

His parents avoid his gaze. Todd takes this as a sign to leave, hastening into the cold December night outside.

Cold, winter air nips at Todd’s vulnerable bodies, his jacket failing to protect from harsh winds and glacial temperatures. He stares down at his pinkened fingers, still clutching at his phone as though it was a lifeline, stiff and aching and tired of the brumal weather they were being subjected to. He didn’t know how long he had stood out there, staring at nothing in particular as the conversations from dinner swirled in his gut like poison, contorting his insides.

“Todd?”

Todd’s head snaps up at the sound of Neil’s voice, and his feet begin to stumble through the snow, carrying him towards the passenger seat of Neil’s car. All the while the other boy shoots him looks of concern, eyebrows furrowed in that way that is oh so Neil.

“Toddy, how long have you been standing in the cold like that?” Neil runs a hand through Todd’s hair, pushing back wet bangs from his forehead. Jesus. The lines of worry on his face make Todd’s heart constrict with guilt.

“Not too long,” He says hastily, “Don’t worry about it.”

Neil just stares, and when Neil just _stares,_ Todd knows that he knows. It’s that stupidly endearing stare, the one that pools his eyes with warmth that Todd doesn’t know what to do with, and tinges his expression with mischief.

“Y’know love,” Neil leans in and presses a kiss to Todd’s forehead, “You never really learned how to lie.”

Then he flicks Todd’s nose like the annoyingly impish (perfect) boy that he fell in love with and drives them home.

(The knots in Todd’s stomach feel a little less tight, but not loose enough.)

As the evening progresses, Todd tries. He tries really hard because it’s Neil and he loves Neil and Neil deserves a nice evening with a Todd that isn’t in a bloody strop thanks to his parents.

But its fucking hard.

It’s really fucking hard and he can’t dump all that on Neil, whose own problems far outweigh Todd’s issues. So he pushes it down.

Todd silently listens to Neil dramatically comment on the movie they were watching, humming sounds that would at least make it seem like he is paying attention, instead of curling up further against Neil’s chest and hoping that tonight’s events would vanish into the soft fabric of his favorite green sweater.

“Todd.”

“Hmm?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

The question makes Todd’s insides tighten up again and his stomach churns with an acidic feeling. Oh god. Oh god. Oh fuck. He can’t do this, he can’t. His chest feels strung-up, tendons and muscles pinned together like steel rods barring air from entry.

“Todd, love, what’s wrong?” Neil breaths the question into his hair.

And christ, he sounds so concerned. It makes Todd’s heart break that Neil cares so fucking much about him. It’s the breaking point and Todd can’t hold it all back anymore, instead bowing his head down, shoulders shaking as sobbed into Neil’s jumper.

Neil’s hands are desperate as they run up his back, settling on cupping Todd’s tear-stained face as he begins his silent tirade of questions. Who did this? What monster could even think to make you cry? Who could be so fucking heartless? All that and more, easily spoken through shaky fingers that wipe away Todd’s tears.

“It’s okay, Todd.” Neil kisses his forehead and draws circles on his back, “It’s all okay.”

Todd’s body feels heavy with grief, but Neil holds him like he is feather-light and not the burden he paints himself to be. He calms him down with sweetened words and whispered reassurance, never once letting Todd doubt that he is there for him.

And when the storm finally passes, when Todd is left with swollen cheeks and red skin, he finally asks.

“Love...what happened at dinner?”

There it was again, that gentle voice, that softness, reserved solely for Todd. All for him, all because of him. Neil cared for him so much that it hurt Todd to ever make him worry, god he would do anything to take that scared look off his face. He would tear out his bleeding heart just to give it to Neil, because he has almost lost him before, and Todd cannot imagine going through that again.

Neil asks again and Todd knows he has to be honest.

Neil looks at him like he is the last thing on earth and Todd’s tongue unties.  
Neil holds him close and Todd spills insecurities onto his skin, blended with tears and sniffs.

When he is done recounting the events that led to this horrid feeling in his chest, he realised that he felt a little better.

“They’re wrong,” Neil whispers, eyes crackling with so much love that Todd might cry all over again, “Your writing matters to you, so its not silly, or a waste of time. And you, by no means, are a disappointment, Toddy.”

“You just think that because we’re dating.” Todd croaks.

Neil frowns, “You’re my boyfriend and I am so fucking proud of you and everything you do. Your parents are wrong. Does dating you invalidate my opinion of you?”

Now it's Todd's turn to frown. He shakes his head. He understands what Neil means but its so hard to accept it all. He doesn’t feel worthy of praise a lot of the time, especially tonight. He tries to wiggle away but Neil catches him by the waist, lips quirked into a look Todd knows all too well.

“Listen Toddy, I know family can be hard, and I know your parents are super shitty, but them not understanding how great you are isn’t a loss for you. It’s a loss for them.”

Then Neil kisses him, short and sweet. Todd’s lips feel like they’ve been dipped in honey, and his heart? His heart thrums with some peace, comforted by Neil’s words, healed by the soft tone of his voice.

“I love you, you know that Neil?”

“Hmmm I was _completely_ unaware.” Neil replies sarcastically, earning a little jab to his side that results in him laughing at Todd’s pout, “Okay okay. I love you too.”

Todd spends the night in Neil’s arms, bundled up in blankets as they watch the snow fall outside, content with their silly little home, and their silly little passions, and their silly little life. It won’t be easy to act like his parent’s lack of love for him doesn’t hurt, but at least he will always have Neil with him.

And a love like that is precious to Todd, no matter how silly and little it may seem to anyone else.

**Author's Note:**

> (this was for todd! i hope you liked it <3)
> 
> anyway y’all. anderperry in love. i will cry.


End file.
